Nip it in the bud!!!

A friend came to me asking advice about some drama happening to and around her in Second Life and in the process of talking about what was happening she said this to me:

“You know, I’m just a woman, just playing a computer game, trying to be creative and crack wise with my friends... I never meant for things to get so out of hand. People in RL would NEVER treat me the way I have been treated, and I would have no cause to sink to such low behavior.”

People forget there are other PEOPLE on the other side of the screen. Our sense of self is so exposed that we are super sensitive to any comment or action. Like a rubber ball, an action is shot out, bouncing off of someone getting fired back and forth, gathering up all the negativity and anger growing bigger and bigger until real damage is done.

“I never meant for things to get so out of hand”

I won’t pretend to be immune from this. Just yesterday I got an IM from someone that was condescending and I felt entitled to bark and defend my position so I lunged out and acted totally out of character and with venom. About 30 minutes later I stopped and though “damn! I am so out of line” So I responded again, with care and sensitivity… I apologized for my words, admitted I was wrong and agreed to correct the problem. I got another IM back apologizing as well for the tone of the original IM… we were both suffering from not remembering there is a person on the other side of the screen. This situation could have blown up to catastrophic proportions, but it didn’t because of communication and care.

Back to my friend asking for advice…

After a good bit of floundering for a few good words to give her I finally spat these out:

“Sometimes peace means you have to sacrifice yourself… lay it all out... admit mistakes... ask for forgiveness… and resolve to change... and stick to it”

Lay it all out: make your perceptions clear, share your feelings and explain your actions.

Admit to mistakes: apologize for anything you regret, such as your actions, words chosen and tone used.

Ask forgiveness: Seriously, ask for it, be accountable. It will make you feel better.

Resolve to change: Spell out how you want to change and what you intend to do to make things right to the other person; this will let them know you are serious.

STICK TO IT! Nothing will undermine your credibility more than not following through with what you say you will do.

And lastly:

Acceptance: We can not control how others will act or react. If you follow the above suggestions and you are still met with drama and spite… let it roll off your back, just let it go. You have done your part to make things better; you have made yourself accountable. If the other person wants to harbor venom and negative feelings towards you, let them. Treat every single person you meet with dignity and respect and you will be respected and treated with dignity.

If you are neck deep in drama it might take a while to see results, but it will happen, I promise.